Thursday, September 23, 2010

1/2 x my heart

Surrounded by strangers I felt at home. Complete. Like a sentence at the end of a fairytale. An exhaled breath in the middle of a full moon. Surrounded by strangers I felt like me. Also a stranger. A person whose smile I failed to recognise before. A smile worth a thousand unwritten words. Words that will never do justice to any emotion or feeling felt. Emotions forever locked inside one living pumping happy heart.

The empty void is finally gone. So is the excruciating pain inside your chest. And all you had to do was believe. Yes, believe. People always seem to find the idealist side of me very naive. They say it's unhealthy, like a parasite eating away at your insides, or like having a full English breakfast for dinner. You get the picture. But the truth is, being an idealist, as "crazy" as it may be, is so much more fulfilling than being a realist. There is way too much real in this world.

I dreamt and never stopped. And somewhere along the way, somewhere in between the beginning and the end of this beautiful journey, those dreams came true. And my heart was hooked. Happy replaced sad. Peace defeated anger. Now, I find myself wanting to taste every drop. Now, I find myself eager to live. Life. Beautiful. Exhilarating. The stranger has become my new best friend.

But, like everything else in life with a time limit, this journey is now coming to an end, and the hardest part of it all is slowly approaching. Because this right here is real, what awaits me is real, and no dream is ever going to be good enough. No bubble big enough. And even though half of my heart wants to stay and keep on dreaming, the other half is either drunk, numb, or slowly awakening to the reality of it all. The bitter, bitter sweet reality. It's time to say goodbye buddy.

Or maybe a see you later (the happy idealist).


P.S. I want to thank every single stranger (now a friend) I met on this journey; for every shared bedroom, beer, conversation, dinner, or any other thing we might have shared. Thank you for letting me see the world through your eyes, a world that is filled with so many beautiful people, both inside and out. And if we never meet again, I hope you'll have the most amazing life. A life as amazing as this summer.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Twenty 2

a Guinness in Temple Bar
an acoustic guitar without a scar
alone yet somehow fulfilled
tears of wishes unkilled

a tattoo to be forgotten
a scarf made out of cotton
one luggage but many possessions
journeys jammed in one heart session

a stranger whose sitting close-by
a conversation that is now running dry
a day without a clue
and I, I just turned..

Written in Temple Bar, Dublin on 15/09/2010 at 14:22.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Untitled Knowledge

A cider, a beer and a pair of flushed cheeks. Slightly tipsy on your way back 'home'. All these beautiful people. But it's time to say goodbye now. Or maybe a see you later.

Three weeks left. Go on, have another pint of fun before it's too late. Before people turn into shadows, before you are lost in translation, and before the ladybird metamorphoses into a beautiful butterfly. Oh shit no. Not again.

Home is where the heart is they say. But where is your heart? It seems the miles are getting longer. Kilometres rather. Crashing into a back-reflecting mirror. Runaway.

A trip to the wobbly loo on the train gets you thinking. You haven't done that in a while. Or probably you don't even remember you did. The truth is, there is nothing left to fear. Nothing left worth fearing.

Tour guide said that the four stages of life are learning, earning, spending and ending. Well I, I guess I'd rather be stuck in the first stage. For a while at least. He also said writers are lonely creatures. Well I, I guess I'd rather be lonely than alone. Because tonight the sunset got the best of me and I'm high and I'm writing.

And it may not be the best piece of Oxford literature ever written, but sometimes as it turns out, it's not about being the best. Sometimes it's about giving it your all time and time again.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Near Life Experience

Your heart is beating to the rhythm of your own smile. No longer second guessing every thought. Every breath you take is sugar-coated with bitter sweetness. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. Halfway drunk, halfway sober. Halfway full.

Your soul is dancing to the very same beat, with the sun playing hide and seek on your face. Dreams awakened, others poisoned. It's true, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. But as it turns out, this time, you are on the right side of that fence. This time, the greenest grass is yours for the taking. Take it.

No longer feeling so out of place. The sandcastle you built is not being crashed down by the waves this time. All you have to do now is to live in it. With a pulsating heartbeat throbbing inside your chest. Lying down beneath a cloudless blue sky, savouring every memory while making new ones.

Proving to yourself that the time you spent trying to make sense of it all was nothing but a dead alley. The same dead alley that is now allowing you to live. One Princes Street and a near life experience.