The pale seductive page staring back is mocking you. This is not the way it's supposed to be. It never was. It never will be. Time stands still as it moves on with its life. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is long gone. One word and an awkward space in between. It's been a long time coming. But it's not enough. It never is.
Because enough is a relative term. It's a qualitative quantity. What was enough before isn't enough now. And what is enough now will not be enough tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. It's an addictive inconvenience, one you would want to eliminate for your own good, yet one you keep falling for time and time again. Some would argue it's a healthy addiction, but the truth is, no addiction is that good.
And so you try to sober up. "Hi. My name is Me and I'm an addict." You try to make amends. You learn to appreciate the little things. You start to look at the world through nearsighted eyes wearing contact lenses. Beautiful. But then your eyes start to itch and the picture is blurred. This doesn't feel right anymore.
So you throw away your one week sobriety chip and you go back to your old ways. This is, after all, the only way you have ever really known. It's not perfect but it will do. And it may not always seem like it's enough, but that's exactly what makes it so pretty perfect.
That's exactly what being a dreamer is all about.
Not settling for good enough.