Saturday, December 1, 2012

The Best Never Had

I thought I would have forgotten by now, you, looking at me, looking at you. I really thought I would. I remember smiling, because I honestly had no idea what else I was supposed to do. (I still don't.) I remember you smiling back, causing the inebriated cardiac muscle to contract a fraction of a second before the designated time. I had read about this sort of thing in my now rusty old books. I had experienced the idea of it every time I heard that pathetic song on the radio. But never like that. Never in real time. And we both seemed to be enjoying it, shooting sparks and banter back and forth at each other from across the library table. I know I did. Your gaze and your lips, slightly hidden behind that clean shave, defibrillated my terrified heart like two metal paddle electrodes. And for a minute (it was in fact three hours), time was no longer relevant. Time was infinite.

But then I had to go. I don't know why I had to but it must have seemed important at the time. (It probably wasn't.) What happened next is a bit of a blur. I must have felt you, standing behind me, so I turned. You tugged at my sweaty palm, leading me upstairs. Upstairs, where you said the water was. I don't think I ever really understood what was happening. I don't think you expected me to. Then, before I had time to fully regain my senses, you asked. You asked and I said yes, my first yes to that overused question. Neither one of us said anything after that. We just stood there, looking at each other, like two lost souls who had finally found something to hold on to. I smiled and you smiled back. And then I left (and for the life in me, I can't remember why I did).

I put an acoustic sappy song in my ears and I left. And as I walked through the city, the city lights creating strange shadows on the rainy London streets, I found myself smiling. Strangers looked at me funny. I looked at me funny. But I didn't care, because for that one night, anything was possible.

But now I'm here. I've forgotten how I got there. But I have not forgotten you.

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